Hopeful
by Topaz Fox
Summary: In the privacy of her own room, Selphie discovers a photograph that triggers a personal struggle. Should she keep living as the happy one, or should she just let everything go and fade away?


(Hi! It's me, Topaz. This story was born from thefact that there aren't many Selphie stories out there. When one looks at Selphie, they see that every inch of her seems to be so darn fake. There has to be more going on with her, right...? -Topaz Fox)

"Okay. Yeah, uh-huh. Um…sure, I'll bring 'em. Make sure you don't bring anything that she'd connect with _him_, Tidus. Yeah. See you then. Bye." Selphie hung up and put the phone back on its stand. She made herself smile. "Kairi's birthday party should be a success," she said aloud, as if to tell the universe to make it a success, or else. Selphie bustled around her tiny room, gathering party decorations, forcing herself to be happy. As she pulled some pastel-colored paper chains from a shelf, something else fluttered down as well. Selphie's smile flickered. "What's this…?" She picked it up and suddenly felt herself slipping out of control. _Oh no. No…not now. This can't be._

The thing was a photograph, faded and slightly ripped in the corner. It was a snapshot of a teenage boy who was all too familiar to Selphie. The boy was silver-haired and lean, with muscles that seemed to match his strong blue eyes. It was a profile shot, the boy looking out to sea, a distant little smile playing on his perfect lips.

Selphie stared at the photo. She could remember that day. It seemed like such a long time ago, when the island gulls seemed to laugh instead of scream, before the trouble came. The six of them were together—six. Not four. Not like now… Selphie forced herself to remember further. It had been a beautiful day, and she had just bought a new camera. She had traversed the island, taking pictures of every little thing that caught her interest. Then, she had come upon Riku, who was sitting alone on the paopu tree. Selphie had found the scene so poetically ironic: a perfectly gorgeous and sweet boy like Riku, all alone, sitting on the tree whose fruits brought people together. Selphie snapped a picture, causing Riku to look up in surprise. "What…? Oh. It's you, Selphie. What're you doing?"

They talked for a while. Selphie had eventually found the nerve to sit beside Riku on the low-sweeping tree. They sat together for what seemed like the longest time, looking out over the flawless sapphire ocean. Selphie couldn't help remembering how Riku's eyes were so like the sea; smooth and powerful, and there was always something stirring beneath them. Eons seemed to pass in just a moment, and then Riku had looked deep into her brown eyes and said to her, "You know, you're not like the others say you are. You're…you're interesting. You're different, in a good way." Coming from the emotionally detached Riku, this was a big compliment.

That was when Riku had stolen Selphie's heart.

Back on that summer day, Selphie had so wanted to share a paopu with Riku…she wanted to entwine her life, her destiny with his. The fruits hung just above her head. She could have easily reached one, and shared it with the incarnation of her dreams. But she hadn't. She had been afraid of rejection.

_Well, look where I am now. He's nowhere, and I'm alone. Big surprise. _Selphie sank to the floor and hugged her denim-clad legs against her chest. To her surprise, big tears rolled down her cheeks and soaked into her yellow shirt. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried. "I'm supposed to be the _happy_ one," she sobbed, quivering. "I need _help_. I can't be the only one here who's happy…!"

The six of them—_six_—used to be happy together. Everything was good. Their childhood was filled with dreams and exploring and love and, well, life. Their days had been lush with happiness.

Then, about three years ago, the Heartless had come to the island. They had swallowed it in their wake of darkness, and the island's inhabitants had scattered. Selphie had been alone for months and months, living in a vacant shack in Traverse Town.

Finally, news arrived that Sora—little Sora, one of Selphie's island friends, with his blue eyes and big dreams—had restored the fallen worlds. Selphie had packed up her few belongings and returned to the island. She was full of smiles, knowing she would see her friends again…and she would see Riku, after all this time.

But neither Riku nor Sora had returned.

Kairi had instantly fallen into depression without Sora. Tidus and Wakka helped her a little, but as the naturally peppy one, it was Selphie's job to keep Kairi from becoming suicidal. Often, Selphie's "upbeat" attitude just made Kairi angry. Nevertheless, Selphie had to be happy for Kairi. Every. Single. Day.

It was a tiring job, to say the least. Selphie was sick of Kairi's moping. _It's my turn to mope, you baby-faced bitch. I can't take this fake happiness much longer. I'm longing for someone, too. _The idea would probably sound comical to everyone. She could hear them now: "Selphie, in love with Riku? How cute." Selphie snarled. "'Cute'? I'll show you 'cute', you idiots." Selphie looked at the mirror across from her. "I'm no little girl anymore. I can do more than 'cute'."

_Riku. I wish you could see me now. _Selphie had definitely changed in the last couple of years. She was no longer the awkward, scrawny little girl in the yellow sundress. At 16 years old, she now had more of a woman's figure, and had let her brown hair grow long and wavy. She was almost…beautiful. Enough to win Riku. _If he were even here, that is._

_Oh, Riku, I miss you. Every inch of you. I miss your eyes and the way they burned, I miss your not-quite-a-smile, I miss hearing your voice when I least expected it…I miss your insights, and your quiet intensity and distance from everyone, and the way you would think about something for hours and not tell anyone anything…I even miss how you would never return my feelings for you._ Selphie's fury melted into pure, honest sadness. In a way, the sorrow brought relief, like rain. Day in and day out, all Selphie felt was the constant glare of false joy. It was nice to feel confused and forlorn and angry. It was nice to openly miss someone.

Selphie sighed, letting the breath out slowly like a hiss. _Maybe I should just let Kairi die. No use watering a wilted flower. And while I'm at it, maybe I'll die, too. Life is so horrible._

Lost in the twilight of her thoughts, Selphie recalled something Kairi did pretty frequently. She hoped. Despite her depression, Kairi would always hope Sora would come back to her someday. Maybe that was really what kept her going. Hope.

"I could use a little hope," Selphie told herself. _Maybe Riku will come back._ Suddenly, she felt glowingly warm inside. She was graced with a wonderfully genuine smile. It was the first time Selphie had been truly happy in…a long time.

The ice in her heart had melted into spring.

_Hope. _Selphie took a sharp old seashell from the floor and carved the word into her wall, so she would never forget it. She ran her fingers along the plain letters and felt even more warmth. _Riku..._

She glanced up at the clock and realized what time it was. "Oh no! It's almost time for the party!" She gathered the party decorations and prepared to go. With one last sad caress, she put the picture of Riku back on the shelf and left.

-Fin-


End file.
